How to Help an Addict Stay Sober—Even During the Hardest Times

Your loved one has gone to rehab, and you are breathing a sigh of relief. Now what? There’s no doubt you will experience a whole range of emotions. Though you may be tempted to sit back and enjoy the relative peace and quiet, resist that urge. Now is the time to get your house in order—literally and figuratively.

Addiction has far-reaching implications that affect not only the person dealing with a substance use disorder but also everyone around them. You have most likely experienced worry and uncertainty as substance use typically has a stressing and straining effect on the family dynamic. As such, it is vital that you examine your role in the recovery process and learn how you can make a positive contribution. Your help and support will be absolutely essential throughout the recovery process. Now is the time to be proactive and discover how to help an addict stay sober.

The Effects of Substance Abuse on the Family

Addiction is a complex disorder characterized by both physical and emotional dependency. As the body becomes physically dependent, the abused substances cause changes in the brain’s architecture. Substance use activates the brain’s reward centers and conditions motivation, altering the function of the frontal lobe, where self-control is centered, causing one to seek and continue to abuse substances in spite of the consequences. This reconditioning of the brain is difficult to overcome. Even after withdrawal alters the physical dependence, it can take months or even years to recover normal brain function. Unfortunately, during this period, relapse is common.

Since addiction is a family disease, it can damage the integrity of a family and alter relationships as it takes hold. Genetic predispositions and developmental factors further complicate addictive disorders within families. Complex feelings and resentments may emerge as the disease unfolds. Often, codependency develops as coping strategies alter the behaviors and roles of multiple family members. Though an addict may enter rehab for treatment of their substance use disorder, returning home to the same dysfunctional environment may cause stresses that lead to relapse.

Find Out How to Help an Addict Stay Sober

Ideally, as someone with a substance use disorder begins treatment, those closest to them will examine their roles in the process. Taking steps to build your capacity to offer meaningful and significant support can really make a difference during the long recovery journey. Here are some steps you can take:

• Heal yourself: While an addict experiences dysfunction related to substance use, family members may experience dysfunction related to their interactions with the addict. With the understanding that addiction is a family disease, now is the time to seek help for yourself. Family support programs are widely available in most areas. These meetings provide the opportunity to speak with family members who are traveling the same path and may have wisdom and experience to share. Likewise, a family therapist can help you put things in perspective. For your own sake—and to enhance your ability to support your loved one’s recovery—it’s important for you to be healthy too.
• Maintain boundaries: As your family member completes treatment, they should not return to the same high-risk environment they left. It will not bode well for continued recovery if nothing has changed. Family boundaries must be clear, enforceable, and consistent. Consider the analogy of a basketball court that has fixed boundaries. These boundaries do not change; out of bounds is always out of bounds. A healthy and well-functioning family establishes fixed boundaries for the safety and well-being of everyone. Once established, the boundaries must be understood and respected by all in order to really help an addict stay sober.
• Locate resources: To ensure that you learn and grow along with your loved one throughout their recovery journey, look for resources that will educate and enlighten you. There are many print and online resources available to complement the knowledge gained through individual or group therapy or participation in family programming. Though you may feel alone, many have been through this process and are willing to share their experiences or offer their support.
• Avoid rescuing: Though you would give anything to help your family member succeed, avoid swooping in to rescue them. Intercepting consequences or paying bills may seem helpful, but it can undermine their progress toward taking responsibility for their own life.
• Be observant: Family members are often positioned to notice warning signs or red flags. If your loved one stops attending support group meetings, fails to exercise coping skills, or seems to withdraw, it may be an indication that they are headed for a relapse. Trust your instincts and understand that for many people, relapse is part of the recovery. It highlights the need to tweak the recovery roadmap. Be supportive and hopeful, and remain in it for the long haul.
• Consult the experts: Knowing what to expect as your family member pursues recovery and anticipating your supportive role depends on expert resources. There are knowledgeable addiction medicine specialists available to answer questions and listen to your concerns by phone or via online chat. They can point you to resources and connect you with beneficial services for the recovering addict as well as for family members. Having somewhere to turn or someone to call can be very helpful, especially during the hardest of times.

Supporting a Loved One on the Long Road of Addiction Recovery

Since addiction is a family disease, if you are not striving to support the solution, you may actually be part of the problem. However, by caring enough to reach out, you acknowledge your potential role and accept the challenge of helping a loved one maintain sobriety. This will require preparation, commitment, and supportive resources to sustain yourself through the long road ahead. Your love and commitment can be a significant factor in their recovery journey.